I’d like to thank the academy

My acceptance speech in case I win an academy award (which is a long-shot, since I’m not even remotely interested in acting).

First and foremost, I’d like to thank God for my life, my family, and all of my incredible blessings. Oh, and for blessing me with the talent to get to where I am today. And that my talent is better than yours. (It’s not , really. But wouldn’t that be fun to say?)
Thank you to Mr. Frantic for your love and support through the years. I’d like to reassure you that I have no plans to trade you in for a younger model. Love you, Babe! (In real life, we do not call each other Babe. Ever.)
And to The Girl Wonder for the inspiration, love, and the best hugs ever. We’ll eat a bunch of cookie dough to celebrate when I get home.
Speaking of cookies, thanks to One Smart Cookie for lovingly giving The Girl Wonder life and for then unselfishly giving her to us. You are a true hero and I will never, ever be able to thank you enough. You rock!
Hmmm… let me see… I can’t forget J-Lynn, the best friend a girl could ever have. You like me, you really like me! And I like you too. BFF!
And to LG, my number two. I’ll never screen your calls.
Mom, Dad, sometimes I do screen your calls, but I always call you back.
And to my eight brothers and sisters, I love some of you more than others, but you are all ok by me.
And, last but not least, for my legions of adoring fans: even though you mob me every time I leave the house, stalk me and take unflattering photos of my cellulite, interrupt Mr. Frantic and I while we are on a much needed date, and mistake an overlarge lunch for a pregnancy bump, I still want to thank you.
I couldn’t have done it without you.

Have you written you speech yet? It never hurts to be prepared.